


unrequited

by rievu



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/F, but in my heart, from me1 to just before the beginning of me2, like ok the title says unrequited, they get back together in me2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 04:30:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13380222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rievu/pseuds/rievu
Summary: Years and years and years and years feel like nothing compared to the bright and brilliant months that Liara spent on the Normandy with Commander Shepard. And frankly, it's no surprise that Liara gets pulled into the same kind of magnetic orbit that Shepard seems to have with her. Liara develops a certain kind of undying and unrequited love for Shepard, and it's enough to keep her going even when all hope seems lost.// a look into how liara develops and hopes during her first mission on the normandy and what happens after





	unrequited

Liara T’Soni suddenly realizes that she has not done enough in her pitifully short life.

Sure, she’s published several journals on the Protheans, and she’s done research in so many labs, and yes, she has had that one unfortunate strip dancer incident on Illium when she was around 80 or 90 years old (she still remembers the incredibly long lecture her mother gave her). But still, as she floats there in the dig site, swathed in the glows of Prothean technology, she ruefully reflects on her short experiences in her short life.

She wants _more_ , dammit.

Still, there’s a sort of poetic irony that comes from dying in a Prothean dig site. She estimates that she’ll be there for about a thousand years or until her natural lifespan ends. Of course, her mother could notice that she was gone and send out her team of commandos to save her, but that would be horrifically embarrassing (maybe even more so than the strip dancer incident) and her mother may be too “occupied” to even notice.

Liara wonders if her mother will even notice.

It’s not that her mother wasn’t loving; Matriarch Benezia was simply a busy woman. A constantly busy woman. And nowadays, she seemed to be so preoccupied with other matters and rarely called Liara anymore. Liara tries to pretend that the absence doesn’t sting, but deep down, she knows that it really does.

She floats as thoughts continually run through her mind, about her childhood, about her mother, about the research and the history that she so loves. But then, Liara hears it. The sound of gunshots echoing in the dig site.

At first, she’s a little pissed. How dare someone start shooting off a gun in a precious Prothean dig site like this? Liara has a few choice words for anyone who tries to pull something like that, but then, she realizes the implications of those gunshots. By the goddess, someone is  _ here _ .  
The rational part of her mind cautions that it could be more geth, but the young and naive part of her wants to sing with joy. She could be saved! Saved from an embarrassing and slow death here in the dig site!

And there she is

Commander Shepard of the Alliance Navy. The first human Spectre, apparently, and a war hero of the infamous Skyllian Blitz. Well, Liara doesn’t know that at first. She just sees a regular human in Alliance N7 armor. Honestly, Liara wouldn’t know a single thing about that sort of business if it weren’t for her mother chiding her about her lack of focus on current events rather than the past. 

The human holds her chin up with a certain kind of strength that accompanies a charismatic leader though; Liara has seen that look too often on her own mother’s face to know. After a brief conversation with her, Liara also realizes that she is also surprisingly… Kind. 

They escape Therum with the dig site collapsing behind them in ashes and dust, and an expanse of stars unfolds before as she stands on the Normandy SR-1 with awe in her eyes. She gazes at the galaxy map and finds herself at a loss. Liara can’t believe herself; she’s torn between the longing of the lost dig site and the loss of her formerly quiet life, but adventure sings to her like a siren’s call. And it’s too enticing to give up.

Shepard’s mind is filled with Prothean images and information that she could only dream of, and at first, that’s how Liara rationalizes her decisions to herself. That is how she justifies her unprecedented social attempts with the Commander as well as her banter and her conversations with the mysterious Spectre.  At first, their conversations were merely just probing and prodding at the commander in hopes of unearthing some additional clue to parse the confusing and mind-muddling images in her head. But then, it becomes  _ friendlier _ . The commander insists on Liara addressing her as a friend and tries to get their conversation to be less stilted and awkward.

Commander Shepard teaches her how to improve her aim, and with continual practice on ground missions, Liara manages to hone her aim and her biotics with alarming speed and skill. She was always prodigiously good with biotic triangulation when she was a child, but with additional training and practiced focus, Liara becomes absolutely  _ deadly. _ Almost like the asari huntresses that her childhood friends used to read and gossip about.  
With that, the Commander takes her out on more and more ground missions. It’s exhilarating. The adrenaline and the inherent danger keeps her on her toes, and it’s a far cry from poring through archives and artifacts, but it’s exciting nonetheless. She feels the same rush when she manages the perfect warp or singularity like when she unearths a new fact; it’s something to hold dear to her heart unlike any other.

And when that rush comes, it’s usually Commander Shepard at her side, smiling with her rifle in her hand and blood coating her armor. Liara knows that her lingering looks and soft sighs have not gone unnoticed by the crew. In fact, Lieutenant Alenko seems to be eyeing her with suspicion. Wrex simply laughs out that loud laugh of his, and Gunnery Chief Williams turns back to her guns with a huff. Garrus returns to his calibrations with only a raised brow plate, and Tali giggles behind her smoky faceplate.

As time passes and missions succeed, Liara begins to know the Commander more personally. Farther and more personal than the conversations have gotten. Part of it might be because of her continual melding with the Commander, but Liara likes to think that it’s something else. Something more than that.

She shakes her head as she remembers what the Commander told her.  _ Call me Shepard, _ the commander said. If Liara remembers correctly, Shepard asked her to just treat her like a regular person, as if she was simply  _ Shepard _ and not  _ Commander _ or  _ Spectre _ , during a particularly harrowing drive where Shepard drove off a cliff in the Mako. Furthermore, that was her and Garrus’ first mission in the Mako.  _ Goddess _ , she thought that she would die that day.

Regardless, she knows what Shepard has gone through; mind melds do not allow secrets and memories to be left unseen. Liara did try her best to not settle those memories, but still, a few glimpses had made their way through the onslaught of Prothean images. She had seen glimpses of a small house with a large garden. There was a cracked cookie jar on the kitchen counter in that memory. She had seen a mother and a father, and then, she had seen a bloody batarian on the floor with flashes of color — black of eyes, red of blood, green of skin — interspersed throughout the memory. She had seen the bodies and the iron scent of clotted blood and grenade smoke behind a barricade on Elysium during the Skyllian Blitz. In all, Liara had seen too much. Shepard didn’t seem to know about it; she only thought that Liara had seen only the beacon’s images. 

Liara decides to not tell her.

And with that small vulnerability, Liara falls a little more in love with Shepard, day by day by day.

It’s the way she tucks her hair in behind her ears carefully before she puts her helmet on. It’s the way she jogs over to her room on her daily rounds to see how she’s doing. It’s the way she is magnetic and charismatic, able to charm nearly everybody she talks to. It’s the way she fires headshots with deadly accuracy. Even the way she dances (horribly), the way she drives (terribly), manages to draw Liara closer.

Feros is nightmarish, and the images of the mind-controlled slaves to the Thorian haunt her long after the mission is over. Shepard curls her lip at the Thorian as she shoots the final node holding it up. With a satisfied smile, the two watch as it crashes down and dies in the abyss. Noveria passes with its cold and snowy storms, and Liara feels like her world is crumbling apart when she cradles her dying mother in her arms. That night, Shepard comes to her room and holds her as she sobs her grief out. And after Virmire, Liara is the one to sit with Shepard and pat her on the back as she mourns Ashley’s death with a bottle of Serrice Ice brandy that Dr. Chakwas had passed her before she visited the Commander.

In this way, Liara manages to trick herself into thinking that perhaps, oh, perhaps Shepard feels somewhat the same way as she does. Perhaps Shepard feels the same twinge in her heart and the same warm feeling in her chest when she looks at Liara, the way Liara feels when she sees Shepard. Then, she sees the Commander leaning away from a certain someone on the ship. She smiles softly, a gentle smile that Liara has had the rare luck to glimpse only a few times during her stay on the Normandy. However, Liara still hears the firm rejection; Commander Shepard does not want to get entangled in a relationship, especially before a critical mission. Ilos is fast approaching, and Liara desperately wishes that they were something more so that she could offer Shepard some comfort before the final mission.

Shepard still takes her on the ground mission to Ilos though along with Garrus. So, she is there to see the Prothean VI and see her former worldview become shattered into small fragments of what they used to be. Shepard places a reassuring hand on her shoulder when Liara gapes silently at the broken VI. 

The Reapers are inexorable and malevolent in every way, and she sees Shepard harden at the edges with rage and fury, honed even more by the injustice of Ashley’s death. Garrus reaches out a taloned hand to rest it gently on Shepard’s shoulder, and after seeing that, Liara dares to step closer and loop her arm around Shepard, giving her comforting pats. Shepard exhales, long and heavy, and she evenly says, “Over my dead body will I let the Reapers take us.” Shepard glances to Liara and then to Garrus before breaking out into a genuine smile, “What did I ever do to deserve friends like you?”  
Liara’s heart hurts, a single jab, a single pain, before she smiles back, “I believe that it would be when you freed me from the dig site.” Garrus snorts, “And when you dragged me off on a mission to hell, free of red tape.” Shepard laughs, “Thanks, I appreciate it. Now, let’s dive back to hell.” With that, she strides off, out of the VI’s room and back towards the Mako.

They hurtle through the facility, and when they see the glimmering mass effect fields that lead to the Citadel, Shepard grits her teeth and calls out, “It’s one last drive in the Mako!” Garrus calls back, “Step on it, Shepard! Run those damn geth over like you always do!” Liara can’t help but laugh, “Your horrible driving finally comes into use, Shepard!” That laugh suddenly crescendos into a scream as Shepard lurches into the room and slams into more than a few geth colossus before she manages to spin the Mako with a stomach-churning screech of wheels into the shimmering blue that lights the way back to the Citadel.

Liara can barely remember most of the Battle of the Citadel. All she remembers is that rush of adrenaline, the sound of gunfire and biotics, and the sound of Saren’s body as it falls to the ground with an anticlimactic thump. When the building gives way, Liara falls to the floor with the same kind of thump and rubble buries them all. Thankfully, the rubble falls in such a way that there is a triangular space left as one wall falls on top of a column, and she and Garrus are lucky enough to be in that specific space. When the rescue team manages to pull them out, Liara expects to see Shepard at their side, indomitable and untouchable as always.

Shepard is not there.

Frantically, she whirls around the pile of rubble with a pained cry and begins to dig and claw at the wreckage with desperate hands. Garrus keens with loss — his subharmonics are so high that even she can’t hear them anymore — and he begins to do the same. But then, they hear the scrape of armor against metal and stone that isn’t theirs. With awe, they watch as Commander Shepard shakily rises from underneath a broken beam. Liara’s voice catches in her throat, and it feels like her very being is surging forward in a wave of hope and tearful joy.

She’s never been this grateful for a life before. It’s in that moment that Liara realizes that she would do anything for Shepard’s life. She knows that her love isn’t returned. Shepard seems to hold duty and justice far above anything else in the world. Still, she’s happy with the knowledge that Shepard is alive and well.

The Citadel is swept up into a flurry of work and business and rebuilding, and Liara gazes at it with a wistful look in her eyes.  _ The geth were the cause of the attack on the Citadel _ , the Council officially announces.  _ And the rogue Spectre responsible for it all is now dead. _ They underplay Shepard’s role, and no mention of the Reapers are made. Liara goes back to Thessia and holds a proper ceremony for her mother. No one shows up. No one wants to be associated with the asari that betrayed the galaxy. Liara is alright with that. She doesn’t even tell her friends about it. It’s a private, heart-wrenching thing that she has to do alone. So, she sings the old asari dirges and burns the traditional incense and prays for the goddess to keep her mother safe. 

On the other side of the stars, Shepard presses her lips thinly together and sets off with her rifle to investigate geth activity at the edges of the galaxy.

Shepard never comes back.

Liara receives the news poorly. The thought of her Shepard floating in the atmosphere above Alchera as air drained out of her lungs was horrifying. There was nothing she could do. Nothing at all. No amount of biotics and no amount of pure luck was enough to get Shepard’s life back from the clutches of death. It’s like her heart is tearing once more. Wasn’t the loss of her mother enough? Did the galaxy just have a personal vendetta against Liara T’soni?

She stands there, dumbfounded, at the funeral. Beside her, Garrus is softly keening, a high, trilling sound that she has never heard a turian make except for that one time they thought Shepard was dead beneath the wreckage of the Citadel. Wrex stares steadily at the memorial and the flickering holos of Shepard without a single word. Kaidan tries to stand stoically, but she can still see his shoulders shake. But Joker, oh, Joker stands there with guilt edged in his face. He clutches his cane with a kind of viciousness that Liara’s never seen from the pilot, and he reaches out a hand to touch the final holo of Shepard that shimmers up. His hand passes through, and his hand tightens into a fist.

Liara wants to scream at Joker. 

She heard the entire story from Kaidan and Joker. How Shepard had ordered Kaidan into the escape pods, how Joker refused to leave the cockpit, how Shepard had fallen into the atmosphere of Alchera like a dying star to save her pilot.

Her love and the memories tear her heart into jagged shreds.

Liara departs for Illium that night. The only thing she does before she boards her ride off the Citadel is visit Shepard’s memorial one last time. Garrus and Wrex are standing vigil there, and they don’t speak to her. It’s better that way.  With a certain kind of finality, Liara brushes her fingers along the edge of the empty casket. Anderson had told her that it was one of many human traditions regarding the dead, and that this would be the most symbolic for a woman like her. She pays her last respects and leaves for her ride; she won’t be coming back.

Liara settles into a new job. Information brokering isn’t so difficult compared to peering at ancient Prothean artifacts deep into the night. She’s still searching for information, but the things she searches for now is recent, not ancient. Wryly, she thinks that her mother would have smiled to see her with such a concern for current events. But then, an encrypted message comes to her. Cerberus wants Shepard’s body to revive her.

Hope stabs through, painful and sharp, and that undying and unrequited love sparks once, twice. Liara gulps before she replies a simple yes. She loves Shepard too much to let this opportunity go. It doesn’t matter what Cerberus wants; she wants Shepard back more.

Liara grabs the pistol that Shepard had given her once upon a time on a ship sailing through the galaxy. She dons her armor once more and slides the pistol into its familiar place on her hip. With a deep breath, she steps off of Illium and into a journey for love, for hope, for the woman who had saved her.

For the woman she loved.

**Author's Note:**

> and liara and shepard find each other and they give the middle finger to cerberus and everyone lives happily ever after


End file.
